It's more than a hand if it holding it touches more than your skin.

Falling Behind

So between the band, work, and plans, I've been totally out of commission with this thing for a few days.

I love reading a few other blogs. I come back once a day and catch up on everyone else, and sometimes it gives me the inspiration for my next one.

Sidenote : the word blog comes up as misspelled in the blog I'm writing.

Recording the next CD is pretty much done. We're shopping around for art, and hopefully submitting it to iTunes by Monday.

I really love our songs, but I'm feeling tired of lots of it already. Ironically, my favorite track that I wrote for the next release is our interlude. It's beautiful, in my opinion, and I feel like it really shows what I've learned since September.

That also helps me not feel discouraged - we've only been doing this since September, and it's come so far already. Tour needs to come fast, and save me from the Chatterbox.

I love voices, hearts, minds, and hands.

What's worth it?

working.writing.walking outside.being warm.
escaping cold.singing.playing.creating.being happy.
making someone else happy.staying awake.
falling asleep with someone.making the most of things.
finding the silver lining.kissing.hugging.loving.

living...

Is worth it.

Love your life and you'll find it loving you back.
Everything your parents told you is true,
It's just up for slight interpretation.

I found out on my own,
You can't pick when or who you love,
That's why you fall into it.


Even though love is the strongest word there is,
The feeling it carries is even more significant.
That's why it's so fucking important to feel it.
Say what you will, when you please, and when it's right.
The feeling is what matters.
And it's worth it.

Sleep is for the...

Me.

I hate living something I wrote.
Two shows, a practice, a late night adventure, an important meeting, dodging gang members in Poughkeepsie, and a double at work have started to take their toll.

I never go to sleep early, but tonight I am.

If I stay up I'll definitely be a zombie for my third shift in two days at work. One of my best friends quit tonight, which is super unfortunate, and is going to make work tough for a while.

Also, I had a backwoods Sussex County experience as per usual. Someone threw a dead raccoon on top of one of the cooks' cars during work today, and every fucking table full of Sussex County invertebrates cracked up for at least half an hour.

I have no attachment to this place anymore. It's the people I love, and the places I can't help but frequent.

The Picture

Credit Pat Capriglione

Facts

Some heavy discussion took place tonight, and it was very difficult for me. I spoke more than the others involved, most likely because I set direction for at least a few of them.

The truth always hurts, even if spoken nicely. I hate telling anybody any bad news, or asking a lot from people but sometimes it really needs to happen.

I took credit tonight where it was due, I also realized for myself how big a part of The Title I am. I really do like to think of it as an equal thing, but it probably can't be in its present form. It's hard finding that balance where you can steer things without being overpowering.



All that aside, we played The Chance tonight, and I got my favorite picture ever taken of The Title. We played the best sounding set ever, due to the amazing sound system inside the theatre, and I met some awesome kids in Left to Chance.

I've said, "your fucking best, your last" twice now, and I really like the feel it gives to the ending of the song, but it might be a bit over the top. Nobody sees it coming, because we pretty much ooze happiness.

My girlfriend stayed on the line of a friend's phone for the entire set, and sang along.
I need more words.

Tradeoffs

So we played Mainstage again tonight, and I decided it's my second favorite venue even though they always fuck things up during our set. We got shafted on time, and didn't even go on until about 10:15. When we did, I looked out to find our closest friends still there to see us. I love everyone who was there. Everyone who sang gets extra points in my book.

Musically speaking, my friends are amazing. Everyone has something to offer, and I force it out of them. One in particular is getting a bigger part next time.

I sang the best show of my life, to date, tonight. I jumped octaves and went higher than I ever have before. About 80% of us are really tight, and always play great. The rest is in serious need of work. It's a tradeoff for now, but really needs to be improved.

I sang mostly for someone who wasn't there, and a bit for someone who was.

Life is funny; it's impossible to predict anything at all.

a $100 guarantee may result in us making 80 bucks.
A brand new set may surprise everyone.
And people who really need to speak up
May not even show enough face to save themselves.




Distance is a bitch.

Hold Please

Holy fucking shit.
Apparently the hold music of choice for NJ DMV is super fast classical bullshit. Twenty minutes of that gets annoying to begin with. Now pump it through a cellphone speaker.

So that's a mini-rant.

We're playing Mainstage again tonight, and co-headlining. This is new and exciting, and it's one of our favorite places to play. It will be a super awesome show.

We have a van now. It's in my name, it's big and it's black. I just decided to name it Darrel. It's spelled like "DARE-AL" but pronounced "DAR-ELL"

I wish I was funny.
Tour is just around the corner and I can't wait.
I'm ready for realll summer.

JACK ROGERS

Careful, now...

There's certain people and things in my life that mean more than it would be logical to word.

I get super frustrated when I can't accurately communicate how I feel, or when I realize that my message may not even come across as I intended it.

Love is a funny thing. I have love for many people. I could tell all but a few of those people that I love them. The others fall into two groups, one group containing just one person. The first group would take my words in the wrong way, so I hold my tongue.










It's that last person I want to tell the most,

It's almost as if I'm holding a beautiful object which I'm deeply entwined with.
It's extremely strong, but for some reason it appears extremely fragile to me.
I safeguard it as if it were made of the thinnest and finest crystal one could create.
It causes me to worry way too much.

Word choice is an important performance.
When you screw up, everyone sees.

It's interesting that this is the most fatiguing part for me.
My friends argue with and exhaust the ones they love.
I can't get enough of her to even feel this way,
And wish I could say it.




You'll probably read this.
(laughs)

Updates

I have had a crazy few days. I am now settled in and blogging, because I find it therapeutic.

I hate that word, by the way.

I realized today that a problem is two sided in just about every case.
You can't have an issue that doesn't involve anything or anyone else, and if there were no burden to both sides, there'd be no problem in the first place. Both sides need to be at a disadvantage.

We could use as example, the case of a small company and a private debt.
Suppose a man receives a service or goods from the small company, and agrees to pay back the company in an agreed amount of time.
Suppose also that the man is unable to pay his debt by the time it's due.

After the time has passed, the small company attempts to collect the money; the company needs every cent to survive. The man cannot afford to pay, and thus both sides are at a disadvantage. It's more than the man in debt, it also involves the man or mechanism he's in debt to.

I don't even know why i went into that - I made it smaller so it could be skipped over.

I find no joy in random parties full of unknown people. I'd prefer to be sober and in small/good company, with people I love and/or respect.

I'm posting again after this one.
Ironically, if you start from the top,








You'll read this last.

Miracles

I had the scariest night of my life the other evening.
Someone I love very much was extremely sick and bounced back in the last second before needing real medical attention.
Besides that, my siblings and I specifically did what we said we weren't going to and my parents are none the wiser.

I also thought one of my fish got eaten by my sister's cat. There was certainly only one in the tank last night, so I took it all apart and looked for a fish.
I found no fish.
I look over two hours later and they're swimming together, Larry and Shark. I have Houdini Goldfish, and I'm going to start telling people that.

And less miracle but more astonishment,
It's already been three months.
:)

Little Things

...like a surprise visit made my night.
Tonight we played reasonably well despite some power issues. It was Stillwater Inn, so everybody had a great time.
I walked on Rich from DriveThru's back for like two hours. He had nothing but good stuff to say, and minimal criticism with that. I got two CDs and a shirt for free out of it, but I'm glad to have met the guy. He's had his hand in half the music I listened to growing up.



You came out of nowhere.
You're also the only person I would stay up this late for.
And you totally overdid the sugar.
<3

Artistic Conscience

I'm about 90% done with something I started writing today, and I'm worried. I feel like it's a beautiful piece, and among the best I've written. It's almost done, and I could totally just throw some other shit on top and call it finished. I could put crap words on the music and walk away, but this piece is refusing me the option.

It totally sounds crazy I'm sure, but I can't let it leave my hands unpolished and imperfect. I wrote it for someone. I always talk about how I don't really write for people but TO people instead, but this is almost like a musical representation of how I feel.

I have no name or words, but it's intensely personal already.
Staying up and working on it.

Everything looks perfect from here.

My world is small.

It contains an assortment of people, a couple of reoccurring thoughts, some speakers and some equipment.

I love everything in my life. The people are the best I know, the music is the best I can make, and I make it for the people who matter to me.

I contemplated getting in a car and driving to the city tonight.

I also just ate for the first time today, and I forgot how amazing food is when you can't force yourself to eat anything. Pizza Rolls for the win.

Final thought.
If normal people get butterflies in their stomach,
I have flamingos.
Because pink is cool.

I would

Like to be everywhere, all at once.
Due to certain limitations of space and time
I can't do this.

Bummer.

Otherwise, I would be all over tonight.
And nobody would be lonely or bored or sitting idle.


I need a new mantra
Everything's pretty good right now.
:-o

I am a derelict.

Today I delivered pizzas with BJ. I drank two energy drinks afterwards and was totally wired. I scarfed a bag of gummy bears almost single-handedly. I think if God eats sweets, he eats gummy bears.

HARIBO GOLD BEARS.

Afterwards we went to the Viaduct. I played with sound and throwing shit around and making echoes for a while. Afterwards we climbed in and around and such. I threw a small tree off the top to see how long it would take to hit the ground. Super dumb, and super satisfying. We later lit flares and threw them around inside. Right before leaving, we had a roman candle fight underneath the arch you climb into from the hill (if you've been there you know), and I narrowly missed being shot in the chest with one. Totally dumb, totally worth it. Lastly we went to A+P and acquired some Snapple which was just laying around on a pallet out in the open.

I am a derelict.

I want to record more.
Everything is going to be okay.

Catching Up 2

So Saturday night I went to White Castle and made friends with the lady working. She hooked us up and was super nice. The next group of people sucked and probably got spit in their sliders.

Sunday was mother's day. I gave my mom two candles that I originally bought With Angela as her Christmas present. The problem is that I'm a huge spaz and it took me until moving home to get those candles into her hands.

Afterwards, I recorded Dana and Jake Rogers (name drop!) until everyone was exhausted. Everything came out pretty well, but I think we're gonna redo everything later this week. I just love putting my touch on things, or bringing people into what I love. I made the music for a cover and worked with Jake on his part in a Title song.

Listen to Museums.
They're fucking awesome.

Everything is going to be okay.

Potential

The first thing my mom gave me before I left for school was the Dr. Seuss book Oh, The Places You'll Go! It's one of the simplest and blunt books about moving on that I've ever stumbled across. The last thing I put on my bookshelf at home today was that very book.

I spent two days packing my Jetta to full capacity, and then got everything home and ripped it all apart and unpacked immediately.

I have a lot of shit.

I threw out bags of crap and bagged a bunch of things for goodwill too, and I am now extremely happy with everything. I get huge anxiety right before switching places in any big way, and I needed to get everything out of boxes as soon as I got here. I obsessed over everything until it was all away, and it's now like I never left.

I have soo much musical equipment and so much room to show everything off - I just want to make stuff right now. My friend Dana is singing on a cover of "The Trophy Wife" by Park, and I made the music today. It felt amazing, and I feel like I can accomplish anything in here.

The next time I pick up the Dr. Seuss book, I'll be going on tour - I feel like it just needs to hang around now. It's a reminder of what can happen anywhere you are.

Theres a few wonderful people who help me do what I love, with only cursory knowledge of their deeds - if that much. Thank you.
You don't even know.

My advice for someone else,
Everything is going to be okay.

Catch Me (sorry for the rant)

So we played School of Rock the other night, and I was totally disappointed by the entire experience. Granted, my hopes were extremely high but a laundry list of shit went wrong. The promoter was a douche bag and hassled us all night. Our crowd was too late for us to sell them tickets, so on paper it looked like we brought almost nobody. It was the sound guy's first day and we were the first band. That's asking to get fucked over right there. After our set the promoter started moving our shit and hit me in the back of the head with my brother's drums. Lastly, everybody bailed and left me and two other people till the end of the show. Shitttty.

This is my last night in Hoboken, and I'm not comfortable with that. I should be excited to head back home, but I'm super far from it. I'll be closer to certain people who I miss and have missed extremely, and even farther from someone who lives a good distance from me. It also puts me pretty damn close to the only people in the world that I cannot stand.

I want to write and record and squeeze my thoughts into plastic discs to toss at people, because I'm tired of explaining the same damn thing to so many people.

Last thought - I'm going back to a job where 90% of people don't give a damn about anyone else, and my boss is already pissed at me for touring before I've even started.


The more that I stay
The more that I feel at home
It's like the closer that I get
The more that I feel alone
The place I grew up
Belongs to somebody else
This room I've come to love
Is where the safest I've felt



I still believe
Everything is going to be okay.

Dark Spots

So I'm rocking Crest Whitestrips (Classic) right now. My front tooth was fractured three or four times along the same line, and consequently was repaired in the same way. The glue or whatever the fuck they used eventually got worn away and left a dark spot on my front left tooth.

I was trying to bleach that spot to a lighter color, but ironically enough my teeth just got whiter around it, making it a more noticeable spot than it originally was. If one more person tells me I have food in my teeth I'm going to scream, unless of course I actually do.

Anyway...
We're playing at School of Rock tonight, and I'm super nervous. It's definitely my favorite venue, and to actually play at it seems crazy. The other bands are pretty tight too, but nobody I'm super into. Hopefully they're absolutely amazing and they can convert me.

Freshman year is over, and I'm thinking about any figurative dark spots in my year. It's easier for me to see them now, since everything in life is going really well. It's just like the Whitestrips thing - by working on changing stuff and improving, it makes the spots apparent.

I wouldn't go back and un-break my tooth, and similarly I have no wish to undo any of the other things that "spotted" my year.

I need new music.

Everything is going to be okay.

Dedication

What does it really mean to dedicate something to someone? What's the significance of writing or creating something for someone else? It's why I'm a musician.

I find myself losing my grasp of our fine language whenever someone I really care about is the other half of my conversation. For whatever reason, I turn into a big mush of sentimental thoughts and pour Quikrete over my vocal chords. As a result, I get quiet while trying to force myself to be honest and not spaz out like I usually do.

Because I am a wuss. I am a huge wimp and, ironically enough, I can choke up while talking to one person. If there's a crowd of 300 people, that's fine, but anyone I care about can strip me of my defenses.

Consequently, I write songs which are not super deep, but are a completely accurate retelling of "what I meant to say when I stuttered, shut up, and smiled instead".

I'm going to write something new right now. Listen to PARK if you never have.

Everything is going to be okay.

Control

Even if you're responsible for every single choice you make, that's a ridiculously small proportion of things in life that you can really be in control of. Granted, the unpredictable nature of life and its events are what makes things exciting and worth doing, it's easier to deal with that fact when it's not in the front of your mind.

I cannot personally effect change in anything that I don't influence firsthand (which is not to say that a domino/ripple sort of thing can't happen), which puts me in an interesting place. If I try to influence more of my life, I'm responsible for a lot more things, good and bad. If I pull my arms in and just try not to "break anything", I risk missing out and also I risk becoming that guy who "just lets stuff happen".

I'd like to shift this balance towards the active side, but having this in my thoughts makes that difficult. I'm observant and I worry too much. Who would have known?

I feel like I'm most effective when I make music and share that with people. I just want to create a jillion things right now, in case I suddenly became unable to do this stuff.

Freshman year of college is over on Thursday.
What the fuck?

I want everything to mean something.

Bamboozle Day 2

I got to see everyone I missed yesterday. :-D

Fall of Troy destroyed me, as usual. Four Year Strong was a minor disappointment. The Secret Handshake did very well but he totally played a less awesome set than he could have.

I saw some super stupid people. I didn't know most of them, but I was acquainted with a few. Also, fuck Jeffree Star. I'm dying to know what's going to happen to him when Myspace goes the way of the dinosaurs, or when his current fanbase hits 17. People in banana suits get mad respect from me.

I found that I really enjoy sitting in circles with friends when we can't figure out what to do. I also found out that staying afloat in a whirling crowd is much harder when you're looking out for more people than yourself.

This was totally not BamBrozle like we envisioned we'd repeat, but overall it was an excellent year. I met some super cool people and strengthened ties with a friend or two.

I love my super short red track shorts. I need to find more excuses to wear them.

I want everything to mean something.
Nick

Bamboozle Day 1

Chiodos was baller, Drop Dead Gorgeous was amazing, Maylene was ridiculous.
Breathe Carolina was ehh. I really wanted to be blown away by their performance. As makeshift role models of mine for the genre, I expected the world. It was more like a shitty set from The Secret Handshake (who really does put on a great show).

I met some amazing new people today, but I didn't see everyone I wanted to see. I saw some people I could give a shit less about, but I missed one or two good ones. FIND ME.

I want everything to mean something.
Nick

I technically missed a day.

So sue me. In a few hours, I will get up at seven, eat oatmeal, take a final (which will be hard as balls), and get my shit together to head to Bamboozle. I've been waiting forever for this event, but I'm not even super duper excited about the bands.
I want to see people.

And fuck, I want to stay dry. I'm hoping for clouds so I don't turn purple from sunburn, and no rain so I don't end up driving a car full of people that smell like wet dogs. Either way it will be fun - I want to pick up some new shirts and hopefully some sampler CDs with new music. I live for samplers.

I studied from 2 until 11 today. I'm actually starting to enjoy directional derivatives and lagrange multipliers, so I need to get the fuck away from text books. If I don't ace this thing tomorrow, I'm going to take yoga until I can kick myself in the face, and then do so.

Wish me luck.

I want everything to mean something.
Nick

Time

So somebody asked me what happened to April, and I had no idea myself. I love that all my friends in high school just got back from spring break, while I'm in finals already. This weekend is Bamboozle, and I can't fucking wait. We had the chance to play it and didn't get it this year, but I'll be sure to check out VAH if I get there by the time they're playing. Also I have The Thief's song stuck in my head. I don't even know which one it is, which is why that's maddening. I think they're playing too.

I love clean laundry. None of my laundry is clean, but I'll have to do it at some point today. My only motivation to do so is how good everything will smell once it's done. Also, I'm on my last pair of clean underwear. Necessity, people.

Wish me luck. Hopefully I won't turn any white stuff pink.
Also, check out Jacek Yerka. He's a surrealist from Poland or something, and his art is amazing. My favorite is "Creating the Water".

I want everything to mean something.
Nick

Progress

I'm about to start studying for an 11AM final later today, for my miserable philosophy class. I also just finished up a new recording of vocals for Oceans, which will be back up on our site in a sampler very soon. I think I'll do Ever So Slightly tomorrow, actually. There's a lot of songs nobody's heard yet and Ever So Slightly is one of those (HINT HINT - It plays in the background of Q+A 2).

I love that my friends sing on a lot of the new songs - Jake Rogers is in that one. Joey Oldock sings in two other ones, and Dana Rogers is probably going to sing on a final version of Untitled 2 on my personal page.

We named the album and the tour today, officially.
The next CD will be called "Making a Scene"
The tour will be called the "What? NOTHING! Tour"
If you get the joke, I know you personally.

3/3 so far. I'm doing pretty well on this blog thing.

I want everything to mean something.
Nick