Dedication

What does it really mean to dedicate something to someone? What's the significance of writing or creating something for someone else? It's why I'm a musician.

I find myself losing my grasp of our fine language whenever someone I really care about is the other half of my conversation. For whatever reason, I turn into a big mush of sentimental thoughts and pour Quikrete over my vocal chords. As a result, I get quiet while trying to force myself to be honest and not spaz out like I usually do.

Because I am a wuss. I am a huge wimp and, ironically enough, I can choke up while talking to one person. If there's a crowd of 300 people, that's fine, but anyone I care about can strip me of my defenses.

Consequently, I write songs which are not super deep, but are a completely accurate retelling of "what I meant to say when I stuttered, shut up, and smiled instead".

I'm going to write something new right now. Listen to PARK if you never have.

Everything is going to be okay.

Control

Even if you're responsible for every single choice you make, that's a ridiculously small proportion of things in life that you can really be in control of. Granted, the unpredictable nature of life and its events are what makes things exciting and worth doing, it's easier to deal with that fact when it's not in the front of your mind.

I cannot personally effect change in anything that I don't influence firsthand (which is not to say that a domino/ripple sort of thing can't happen), which puts me in an interesting place. If I try to influence more of my life, I'm responsible for a lot more things, good and bad. If I pull my arms in and just try not to "break anything", I risk missing out and also I risk becoming that guy who "just lets stuff happen".

I'd like to shift this balance towards the active side, but having this in my thoughts makes that difficult. I'm observant and I worry too much. Who would have known?

I feel like I'm most effective when I make music and share that with people. I just want to create a jillion things right now, in case I suddenly became unable to do this stuff.

Freshman year of college is over on Thursday.
What the fuck?

I want everything to mean something.

Bamboozle Day 2

I got to see everyone I missed yesterday. :-D

Fall of Troy destroyed me, as usual. Four Year Strong was a minor disappointment. The Secret Handshake did very well but he totally played a less awesome set than he could have.

I saw some super stupid people. I didn't know most of them, but I was acquainted with a few. Also, fuck Jeffree Star. I'm dying to know what's going to happen to him when Myspace goes the way of the dinosaurs, or when his current fanbase hits 17. People in banana suits get mad respect from me.

I found that I really enjoy sitting in circles with friends when we can't figure out what to do. I also found out that staying afloat in a whirling crowd is much harder when you're looking out for more people than yourself.

This was totally not BamBrozle like we envisioned we'd repeat, but overall it was an excellent year. I met some super cool people and strengthened ties with a friend or two.

I love my super short red track shorts. I need to find more excuses to wear them.

I want everything to mean something.
Nick

Bamboozle Day 1

Chiodos was baller, Drop Dead Gorgeous was amazing, Maylene was ridiculous.
Breathe Carolina was ehh. I really wanted to be blown away by their performance. As makeshift role models of mine for the genre, I expected the world. It was more like a shitty set from The Secret Handshake (who really does put on a great show).

I met some amazing new people today, but I didn't see everyone I wanted to see. I saw some people I could give a shit less about, but I missed one or two good ones. FIND ME.

I want everything to mean something.
Nick

I technically missed a day.

So sue me. In a few hours, I will get up at seven, eat oatmeal, take a final (which will be hard as balls), and get my shit together to head to Bamboozle. I've been waiting forever for this event, but I'm not even super duper excited about the bands.
I want to see people.

And fuck, I want to stay dry. I'm hoping for clouds so I don't turn purple from sunburn, and no rain so I don't end up driving a car full of people that smell like wet dogs. Either way it will be fun - I want to pick up some new shirts and hopefully some sampler CDs with new music. I live for samplers.

I studied from 2 until 11 today. I'm actually starting to enjoy directional derivatives and lagrange multipliers, so I need to get the fuck away from text books. If I don't ace this thing tomorrow, I'm going to take yoga until I can kick myself in the face, and then do so.

Wish me luck.

I want everything to mean something.
Nick

Time

So somebody asked me what happened to April, and I had no idea myself. I love that all my friends in high school just got back from spring break, while I'm in finals already. This weekend is Bamboozle, and I can't fucking wait. We had the chance to play it and didn't get it this year, but I'll be sure to check out VAH if I get there by the time they're playing. Also I have The Thief's song stuck in my head. I don't even know which one it is, which is why that's maddening. I think they're playing too.

I love clean laundry. None of my laundry is clean, but I'll have to do it at some point today. My only motivation to do so is how good everything will smell once it's done. Also, I'm on my last pair of clean underwear. Necessity, people.

Wish me luck. Hopefully I won't turn any white stuff pink.
Also, check out Jacek Yerka. He's a surrealist from Poland or something, and his art is amazing. My favorite is "Creating the Water".

I want everything to mean something.
Nick

Progress

I'm about to start studying for an 11AM final later today, for my miserable philosophy class. I also just finished up a new recording of vocals for Oceans, which will be back up on our site in a sampler very soon. I think I'll do Ever So Slightly tomorrow, actually. There's a lot of songs nobody's heard yet and Ever So Slightly is one of those (HINT HINT - It plays in the background of Q+A 2).

I love that my friends sing on a lot of the new songs - Jake Rogers is in that one. Joey Oldock sings in two other ones, and Dana Rogers is probably going to sing on a final version of Untitled 2 on my personal page.

We named the album and the tour today, officially.
The next CD will be called "Making a Scene"
The tour will be called the "What? NOTHING! Tour"
If you get the joke, I know you personally.

3/3 so far. I'm doing pretty well on this blog thing.

I want everything to mean something.
Nick